"Oblivion"

There is a place that I go,

Where the sea takes over,

Swallowing me up in green and blue.

It spits and it spews like a boiling stew,

Of all the things I dream about.

A wave crashes down,

And I let it take me out,

Sucking me under, into "Oblivion."

The dream state fades,

And just as I think it will end,

A voice whispers:

Don't let it get away...

And I swallow down yet another

Wave of joy.

Harmful if Swallowed

One,

And my head starts spinning,

The world starts rushing,

And everything seems funny.

Two,

And my heart feels heavy,

I start to lose function,

The fever is out to get me.

Three,

And the world appears normal,

I am totally content,

But I want more.

Four,

And my eyes get heavy,

The tears want to fall,

And I refuse to let them.

Five,

And life seems empty,

All emotion is drained,

And my heart needs lifting.

Six,

And my heart is lifted,

Soaring through the clouds.

I've become addicted.

Beaten and Bruised

Beaten and bruised emotions trickle down my spine,

welling into my reality.

The feeling of cold consumes me like walking into

a first winter snow.

I wish I could find a distraction,

find some answers,

find a way out.

I long to throw away the feelings,

cast out the rock that has trailed it's way to

sit upon my heart. <3

My chest becomes constantly weighted,

breathing becoming harder,

my heart beating slower.

Everything begins to seem dark...

my world slowly crumbling to a

sudden and abrupt halt.

My vision becomes blurred,

clouded by thoughts of pain,

thoughts of my longings,

thoughts of death.

I lose myself to heavy, pulsing waves

of sea-green emotion.

My self control becomes drowned

in a pool of gray...

No longer able to surface for air.

Reality begins to seem warped,

and fear takes over my actions.

I push through the deep green sea,

swimming,

searching for a fragment of myself.

I find nothing.

I have lost myself again.

"How can I go forward when I don't even know which direction I am facing? "

-John Lennon

Calling Out

All sound is drowned out by the screaming thoughts that have dominated my brain.

All motion has stopped, abruptly, like time itself won't move.

All knowledge of what has past, and what is to come disappears.

It doesn't matter.

The pills keep me sane; cloud my mind enough to let me function in the "Real World"

The "Real World" seems less and less real, less like it was before.

The escape that I have found with each swallow takes me to a world I have never known before. "Oblivion"

I like it here.

I keep telling myself that I'm happy, that all I ever wanted is creeping my way... slowly.

I keep swallowing another pill, whenever I doubt my thoughts of happiness.

I continue to think I know myself... like I did before.

I don't know myself anymore.

Lies come out of my mouth like water from a dripping faucet.

Lies are what keep me out of trouble, keep me inside of the "Real World."

Lies are what keep me from getting help. I don't want help.

I need help.